Man Takes Pants Off To Cross River, Gets Testicles Eaten Off By Crocadile

Last month in Zimbabwe, a 70-year-old man tried to cross a swollen river so he could sell a box of tomatoes on the other side. Unfortunately, when he finally made it to the other side, he no longer had his tomatoes. Or his testicles. The guy’s name is Jonah Maturure. The pensioner and father of [...]

California Man Arrested For Cooking, Eating Kitty Cats

Remember how Bob Barker used to end The Price Is Rightwith the line, “Help control the pet population. Have your pets spayed or neutered”? Well, there’s a guy in Oilsdale, California who got the first part right, but apparently misheard the second part. He is helping to control the cat population in his neighborhood, but [...]

Female Judge Caught Naked In Back Of Car With Female Lawyer

An attractive and very married female judge found naked in the back of a parked car with a female public defender? Sounds like a latenight softcore Cinemax parody of Law & Order, doesn’t it? Of course, this isn’t cable porn make-believe. It really happened—at least if you believe the officer who reported the incident. Some, [...]

Naked Crackhead Goes On Shoplifting Spree At Walmart

If you’re a crackhead and you suddenly get the urge to take off all your clothes and go get yourself some Cheetos and a new pair of socks, there’s really only one option: Walmart! Recently in Exton, Pennsylvania, a 32-year-old man drove his car to Walmart, got out, stripped off all his clothes, went into [...]

Man Bitten On Testicle By Venomous Snake, Friend Refuses To Suck Poison Out

If your buddy bursts into your bedroom at four in the morning with his pants around his ankles, begging you to suck on his testicle, what would you do? Oh wait, I forgot the most important part of this hypothetical: your buddy’s testicle was just bitten by a venomous snake in the Australian outback. That’s [...]

Naked Cowgirl Leads Cops On Low-Speed Car Chase

I’ll just skip right ahead to what everyone is wondering: if she was nude, how do you know she’s a cowgirl? The answer: the only thing she was wearing were cowboy boots. Only in Texas, right? Okay, now back to the beginning. This past Sunday around 3AM, a resident of the Lakes subdivision in Corpus [...]

Pervert TSA Agents Make MILF Go Through Body Scanner Three Times

You know how they introduced those full body x-ray scanners at airport security—the ones that pretty much show what you look like naked? Well, you’re not going to believe this, but some pervy TSA agents are actually using these naked lady machines inappropriately. Who could have seen that coming? (Put your hands down, libertarians.) The [...]

Cops Arrest Couple For Being Too On Kinky Valentine's Day

If you get off on doing kinky sex stuff with your partner, that’s cool. You just have to be careful where you do that stuff and who sees you. Yesterday in Portland, Oregon, one kinky couple was arrested after their kinky Valentine’s Day hijinks alarmed the public and puts the cops on high alert. Nikolas [...]

Police Keeps Arresting White Guy For Taking Walk With Black Granddaughter

So apparently some cops in Texas didn’t get the memo about the whole “racial tolerance and integration” thing that’s happened over the last 40 years. Because they keep trying to arrest this white dude for taking his black granddaughter to the park. Seriously. Scott Henderson, a middle aged white guy from Austin, Texas, spends a [...]

Teen Stabs Grandma 100 Times, Shoots Her In Head With Crossbow

On Tuesday, 19-year-old Florida resident Jasper Aristotle Smiddie went to his father and confessed that he “did something stupid.” That “something stupid” was stabbing his grandmother 100 times, hitting her in the face with a wrench, and shooting her in the head with a crossbow. (Usually, when I say I “did something stupid,” I mean [...]

Man Murders Couple For Unfriending His Daughter On Facebook

A couple of months ago, I went through my friends list on Facebook and purged about 30 “friends” who I never really see or talk to, either online or in person. Apparently I’m lucky to still be alive. Last week in Mountain City, Tennessee, a father became so upset a couple had deleted his daughter [...]

Teenager Who Killed 9yo Neighbor Describes Murder As "Amazing" and "Enjoyable"

Yesterday at the sentencing hearing of teen murderer Alyssa Bustamante, those present in the Missouri courtroom got to hear exactly what the convicted killer was thinking the night she strangled, stabbed, and slit the throat of her 9-year-old neighbor. “I just f—— killed someone. I strangled them and slit their throat and stabbed them now [...]

Mom’s Drinking Buddy: Her 11-Year-Old Son

Stop me if you’ve heard this one. A drunk mom and her drunk 11-year-old son walk into a bar… No, this is not a joke. This really happened. Only it wasn’t actually a bar; it was a take-out pizza joint. The mom and her 11-year-old son really were plastered, though. The sad story played out [...]

Suspected Rapist Argues With Cops...On Facebook

I honestly don’t know what’s weirder: the fact that the police in Jefferson County, Alabama, have a Facebook page called “Creep of the Week” where they post pictures of wanted suspects; the fact that one of these so-called “creeps” stopped by this Facebook page to taunt the cops; or the fact that the cops actually [...]

Frat Guy Blows Up His Rectum With Firecracker, Now Being Sued

Frat party. Beer. Firecracker. Rectum. Exploded. Lawsuit. Those are the keywords you’ll be taking away from this article. In 2011, at a party being held by the Alpha Tao Omega fraternity at West Virginia’s Marshall University, a fine young gentleman by the name of Travis Hughes (a member of said fraternity) came up with perhaps [...]