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10 Phrases Women Use to Scare Men

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November 8th, 2010

Women are very understanding creatures. Well...i’d like to think so being that i am a woman. Anyways, there are a few things, rather WORDS we use as a weapon against men during fights, confrontations or arguments to win them over or to just win...period.

As a woman I have the advantage of raising my voice, throwing tantrums, and finally reducing to a pout and eyes brimming with tears to get attention. Not that i do all of that - i’m just saying those characteristics go hand in hand for us because it’s human nature. Just like men go hand in hand with a scruffy beard, 3 days consecutive TV of sports and a smelly couch. It just goes. Here’s my list of 10 things we use as verbal weapons - men take heed, woman - take notes!

10. Whatever
Whatever is a veryyyyy well known weapon. It’s the word that you use once you’ve reached the point where you no longer feel like talking to your significant other. When you’re worn out and you have exhausted yourself from all the shrieking, fist waving, wall punching (and nursing your boo-boos right after- here he runs after you and asks if your ok saying aw’s and for 2 seconds your both aww, ouchi, kisses, oh baby im sorry- then you snap back to reality) and the object throwing. Like i previously stated, women make lots of noise to get attentions, just like babies or puppies. We yap, shriek and howl. And while there is plenty of noise making, be glad we’re ok. HOWEVER, once we use the word whatever we’re through with you. It’s basically saying ‘screw you’ (really the other word but i’m going to keep it nice.)

9. You’re not wearing THAT are you?!
I’m sure if you're a man reading this, this sentence alone makes you grit your teeth. Huh? Huh! I use this weapon. I really do. Men pay attention! it might look like a question, but in reality it’s not even a suggestion. It’s a plain - ‘hell no, you’re not wearing that! especially with me!’ Depending on her mood, take your time to answer. And choose your words wisely as you are threading on thin ice. One wrong answer will make you guys late to whatever function you had simply because she will throw you a long drawn out discussion. Believe me.

8. Listen to me! Are you even listening?
I’ve caught my self actually yelling this at my boyfriend, as if he’s deaf cause clearly I’m usually yelling it at the top of my lungs. ‘Are you listening to me’s’ are usually followed by a ‘you don’t understand me’ or ‘nobody understands me’ ‘you never listen to me’ and a bunch of woe is me statements. It basically works like this, if ‘listen to me’ is the beginning of the convo, all is well so far. Once she uses ‘are you listening???’ you’ve reached WARNING zone. Now it doesn’t even matter if you’re listening she’s just going to go on and on about how you never listen when she talks. In other words, you have succeeded in opening pandora’s box.

7. Do you know what day is today?
Uh oh, and you BETTER not pull out the PDA or smartphone or whatever you use as a calendar! Just smile really broadly and give her a kiss on the lips and say of course Honey! Or else! Not all women celebrate any and everything but if yours is one of those,  be aware...be verrryyyy aware. You better study the days of the year like you have a test coming up!

6. The decision is yours, whatever you decide.
Now you know the decision is never yours. She uses this as a means of getting you to say ‘no babe, you can choose.’ This is nothing but a trap by the way. And you unwary men will fall into it. Be very careful when this is used.

5. Nothing
Nothing always means EVERYTHING. You can ask a man whats wrong or if he wants to talk, and if he responds nothing - then it IS nothing. But women always mean the exact opposite. If you ask your lady what is wrong and she does respond with a nothing, you better prod and ask her again until she comes clean. Because then this will revert back to #8 and #1 eventually if any little argument starts just because she’s cranky and you didn’t take the time to ask why.

4. I’m fine
She really isn’t. Like ‘nothing’ fine always means the opposite. See #5. Also be aware, sometimes we just aren’t in a talking mood so we’ll use this (though rarely) it’s mostly used when ‘nothing’ is about to following suit and concluded with a ‘whatever.’

3. What are you doing? do you REALLY need to be doing that right now?
Basically, whatever you are doing at the moment of being asked this is stupid and irrelevant. She wants you to do something for her right then and there and it obviously isn’t what you were doing. If you want to avoid getting hit with a #4, 5, 10 simply answer ‘nothing.’

2. You’re right
Just like the decision is yours, you are never right. This is a blatant slap of sarcasm to your face. And if you believe that she means you are right - please run into a wall. Of course you’re not right.

1. We need to talk
I think even as a woman i get nervous hearing these words. Nobody likes them - it’s like being at the doctor’s office and he comes in with this face and the file with your name on it looks over the rim of his glasses, exhales and goes ‘we need to talk.’ If i hear this, i play possum. Just stiffen up, fall and play dead. It’s your only way out! This can never mean a good thing. But if you think you’re superman and you want to sit through the ‘talk’ you better LISTEN, and ALWAYS agree with her, and by NO means necessary never look at your watch or your phone. Give her your undivided attention... or else. You have been warned...

See we’re really simple creatures.

 

by Mila Braz

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