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Study: 31% Of Men Masturbate At Work

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January 13th, 2012

Don’t look now, but that guy in the cubicle next to you? Yeah, there’s a 31% chance he’s masturbating.

No wait! I said don’t look. What the hell is wrong with you?

Anyway, for its 2012 “Guy Survey,” Glamour magazine asked 1,000 men if they had ever masturbated at work, and 31% of the respondents answered in the affirmative.

So I guess there’s not really a 31% chance the guy in the next cubicle is masturbating right now; there’s just a 31% chances he’s masturbated at work at some point. Which I’m sure makes our female readers feel much better.

The magazine also asked those same thousand guys if they had masturbated:

- while visiting their parents’ house (31%)

- at a party (10%)

- while driving (24%)

- none of the above (48%)

Now, the whole “masturbating at your parents’ house” thing isn’t really that weird, assuming by “visit” we’re talking about an overnight stay and not just Sunday dinner. After all, you grew up masturbating at your parents’ house, right?

But this masturbating at a party thing? Really?

For starters, it’s kind of rude. More importantly, it’s pretty pessimistic. I mean, if the party is in full swing, why give up hope that you’ll meet a hot young lady with whom you can have actual (as opposed to pretend) intercourse? Masturbating at a party is kind of like giving up on yourself.

As for the 24% of men who have masturbating while driving...stop.

[Glamour via Huffington Post]

I am a freelance writer specializing in sports, humor, politics, technology, and, from time to time, pop culture. Also, Esteban is not my real name, but I wish was.
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