The Art of Playing Games
It seems that no matter how old we get we never out grow games. One area in life that I’ve noticed numerous games being played on many occasions is relationships, but why? Guys and girls who find themselves treating their relationships as a sport do it to have the upper hand.
Here’s the breakdown. We humans have two mega malfunctions called pride and an ego. Ever see a movie or a TV show where a character has an angel on one shoulder telling him/her the right thing to do and a devil on the other shoulder tempting him/her to do wrong? Well your pride is like the devil on your shoulder. You may find yourself in a situation where you KNOW you were wrong but that little devil keeps telling you to NOT make it right. Meanwhile your ego, the self absorbed bastard in your head keeps telling you that the world should revolve around you because you are a great person and there is no one else out there like you. How does this contribute to game playing you ask? Using our malfunctions, we tend to disregard others and their feelings by putting “self” first. Many may argue that by doing so you eliminate the chance of getting hurt or heartbroken but in the long run when all your relationships fail and you’re friends shun you for being a selfish brute will you be able to say the same? Selah.
Life is full of imperfections, especially mankind and by mankind I don’t mean the man kind I mean mankind. As long as relationships exist so will disagreements. If you play your cards right you might end up on the winning end of those battles. When it comes to love games there are ways and there are better ways. Being on the immature end of an altercation is never the better way. Some people might argue that games in general are childish and although that is somewhat true, if you have a partner that is a game player, there are times when you’ll have to meet them where they are.
A general rule to playing games in a mature way is that you only push back as much as you are pushed. If you use excessive force you will hurt your relationship, your partner and the purpose will have been defeated. How you ask? Well, as the more mature partner, your game playing isn’t to get the upper hand in any situation but to allow your partner to be placed in your position in hopes that they will better understand your point of view.
Effective Game #1: ROLE REVERSAL
One game that I’ve experienced firsthand its effectiveness is role reversal. If you have been having issues with your partner for a significant amount of time and have been fairly constant in your approach in regards to positivity and proactive actions, it’s time to switch up. Chances are, your partner has become comfortable with your constant concern and efforts and have begun to take it for granted. In the most mature way possible, you need to stop carrying the burden of “holding the relationship together”. Two things you might get from this are as follows. He/she might realize all that you’ve been doing to keep things comfortable for the both of you or you might realize that he/she legitimately does not care about the outcome of your relationship and it might benefit you to move on to the next.
Effective Game #2: CREATING SCENARIOS
Another effective game is creating scenarios. If you and your partner are dealing with a serious issue that you want his/her completely honest opinion on but know that you won’t get it if you come right out and ask, create a “my friend” or “my cousin” scenario that is identical to the situation you are dealing with and ask what kind of advice you should give. This “game” may not work %100 of the time, especially if it’s used too frequently. The rules are as follows: Introducing the situation should come at a time when you and your partner have not discussed your situation in a significant amount of hours. This reinforces you “my friend/cousin” story. Also, changing a few minor details of the story can be helpful, if it is too similar or exactly the same, suspicions might arise. At the same time, be mindful that substituting momentous details won’t give an accurate account of your situation and will affect the response you receive.
Ineffective Game #1: THE JEALOUSY GAME
In everything, there is a positive and a negative, a good and a bad, relationships are no different. One ineffective game that should never be played is the jealousy game. If you feel resentful because of something your partner seems to be doing such as spending “too much” time with friends [whether male or female], trying to make him/her jealous in return can only end badly. Some possible outcomes are as follows: He/she might think that you “making them jealous” is not a game and that you are legitimately disrespectful and don’t care about your relationship. Also, if it is evident that you are playing the jealousy game, your immaturity and insecurity might be enough of a turnoff to your partner and cause him/her to end the relationship.
Ineffective Game #2: THE NONCHALANT [don’t care] GAME
Another ineffective game that has been played in numerous amounts of relationships is the “nonchalant game”. You can’t give the impression that something your partner does has no effect on your emotions when in actuality it does, and be upset when the results are not in your favor. Depending on the level of familiarity you and your partner have, he/she would probably know when you aren’t being completely honest about your feelings. Even in that case, expecting them to push you to talk about it when you constantly refuse is not fair to them and even more so being upset that they don’t is unreasonable.
There are many games and the art evolves constantly, a guideline for each is not necessary. However, once you grasp the basic concepts of your partner and the ways of effectively communicating with him/her, you will be able to use what you know and modify your approach based on the circumstance.
In everything you do, it is important to remember that whether a relationship succeeds or fails, in the long run, maturity will not go unrewarded. Good things come to those who wait. With that said, Let the games begin!
by Kimoolee Cowell
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