Court Decides Penises Are Worth $5 Million Per Inch
How do you put a price tag on a man’s penis?
No, this isn’t the opening line to a dirty joke. It’s a serious question that a jury in El Cajon, California, had to answer.
You see, back in 2007, a 27-year-old named Matthew Wall was driving his motorcycle to work at a Naval submarine base outside San Diego when he was cut off by a shuttle bus and thrown from his bike.
The tumble resulted in catastrophic injuries to his pelvic region—and by “catastrophic” I mean nerve damage in his penis.
As a result of his injuries, the poor guy had to have reconstructive surgery that, sadly, shortened his penis by 1.5 inches.
Adding insult to this terrible injury, Wall had to get a medical discharge by the Navy. And obviously, his wife left him.
(Okay, we don’t know for a fact that his wife “left” him. Maybe he’s an asshole and the divorce was a long time coming. But for the sake of making this story more awesome, we’re going to just go ahead and assume his wife left him because he could no longer pleasure her with his shortened penis. Sound good? Great.)
The jury determined that the accident was the result of negligence on the part of the other driver, an employee of a local car dealership. So they awarded Wall $7,553,000 as compensation for “pain, suffering, medical bills, and loss of income.”
But who are we kidding? That money is all about the shortened penis. And it comes to about $5,000,000 per inch.
[via Daily Mail]
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