Man Takes Pants Off To Cross River, Gets Testicles Eaten Off By Crocadile
Crocodiles: the #1 reason people lose testicles while crossing rivers without pants in Africa
Last month in Zimbabwe, a 70-year-old man tried to cross a swollen river so he could sell a box of tomatoes on the other side.
Unfortunately, when he finally made it to the other side, he no longer had his tomatoes.
Or his testicles.
The guy’s name is Jonah Maturure. The pensioner and father of four was just trying to earn a few extra bucks by selling some of his tomatoes. To do so, he had to cross Chivake River, which he had done numerous times without ever being mauled by a crocodile. But on this fateful day, his luck had apparently run out.
Maturure took off his pants so they wouldn’t get wet, folded them, and put them on top of his box of tomatoes. Then he put the box on his head, and started wading across the river.
When he was about halfway, that’s when it happened: a crocodile swam up and latched on to the dude’s crotch.
I could describe the struggle that ensued myself, but hearing it in the man’s own words is much better:
"I was not suspecting anything ... But when I was almost in the middle of the river I was attacked. It mauled a chunk of my buttocks before attacking my manhood, tearing my testicles into shreds. The skin covering my manhood was partly torn but I quickly put my thumb in its mouth ... It then grabbed my hand and I could hear my bones cracking."
Maturure said that he held on to those tomatoes for as long as he could. However, when the 70-year-old realized he was going to lose either his tomatoes or the rest of his penis, he wisely chose to drop the former to he could use both hands to protect the latter.
This proved to be a brilliant strategy. The croc was distracted by all the tomatoes in the water and let go of Maturure’s crotch. Once released, the severely injured mad managed to swim to shore.
Today, Mr. Maturure may be without his tomatoes and testicles, but at least he still has his only slightly deformed penis. Oh yeah, and he’s alive, too, which is also nice.
[via Huffington Post]
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