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8 Most Hilarious Excuses Given For Missing College Classes

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May 15th, 2012

Everyone has heard that dogs eat homework, but has anyone actually seen it? In all of recorded time? It takes a truly creative excuse to catch someone’s attention these days, especially as more students start taking stay at home courses and homework continues to be submitted over the Internet. Online programs eliminate virtually every plausible excuse for absence and tardiness, however there is still hope for students in traditional programs.

If you’re wondering how not to ask your professor for an excused absence, here are a few of the most hilarious excuses given for missing class.

1. I was driving to school this morning, and was so tired that I kept drifting into the lane next to mine. So I decided to pull over to get some coffee. But the coffee was so warm in my hands that I fell asleep. I thought it was best that I take a nap on the side of the road. I’m sorry I missed the midterm, Professor? Retake?

2. I ran out of Ritalin on Tuesday. Did you really want me in your class?

3. I got mono from the guy who sat across from me in lab after we kissed at a party last weekend. He’s super-infectious. Like, I bet he’s infected everybody. He probably infected you. You should warn everyone. No, really, John Kemp. John Kemp gave me mono. Tell everyone he has mono. Please? Please tell people he has mono?

4. I cheated on my wife, and she found out about it. When I got home last night, she had put my clothes out on the front lawn, and was burning them in a me-shaped effigy. So, I really wanted to go to class, but I literally have nothing to wear, and I don’t have clothes, so I can’t go out to get more clothes. Sorry I didn’t make it to class.

5. I’m sorry that I missed class yesterday morning. I had a heart attack. But I’m feeling a lot better now.

6. I know that we had the class final yesterday, but I had gone to a family reunion this past week, and I went with my dog. My older brother was there, and he had his dog too, and his dog started picking on my dog because he was smaller and younger, and then he started beating me up. I mean, his dog beat up my dog. And I noticed that my dog was kind of sad afterwards. I think he has post traumatic stress disorder. Do dogs get post traumatic stress disorder? Well, mine did. So we stayed home and we ate chocolate while I iced my - I mean, his forehead.

7. I should feel guilty about this, but I don’t. I had a great parking space in front of my apartment, and I didn’t want to lose it. Sorry, dude.

8. The honest version. While I was writing a paper for your class last night, I realized that I’m 22, and the healthiest and, theoretically, the most carefree I’ll ever be. Yet I’ve been lured into this endless hamster wheel of assignments and deadlines with no end date in sight, just paper to final to paper to final to career to marriage to kids to death. And I decided to fight back by actualizing all the stupidity of my youth and going out with my friends and pretending that I have a real life, and after I drank myself silly, I slept through your class, and I’m not even sorry.

Even if those excuses were true, they still wouldn’t get a pass. Avoid them at all costs. Unless you missed a creative writing class, and if so, have at it! Impress your professor with your imagination.

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