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Trying To Kill Mouse With 9mm Handgun, Moron Outs Roommate As Pedophile

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December 22nd, 2011
paul daniel kunzler pedophile

The pervert, Paul Kunzler

This one is a candidate for the most bizarre news story of the year.

In Taylorsville, Utah, a 34-year old man named Paul Kunzler was arrested and charged with two counts of child rape, three counts sodomy of a child, and three counts of sexual abuse of a child after police discovered he had been carrying on a 4 month long relationship with a 13-year-old girl.

But hey, it’s Utah. Grown men having sexual relations with underage girls isn’t that unusual.*
What is unusual—nay, downright bizarre—is the manner in which police discovered this illicit relationship.

Because you see, they didn’t receive a tip from the girl’s parents, or anything like that. Instead, they discovered the relationship after one of Kunzler’s roommates accidentally shot one of his other roommates in the chest with a 9mm handgun...while trying to kill a mouse.

That’s right. One of Kunzler’s roommates was trying to shoot a mouse in the kitchen at 2 a.m. this past Tuesday. The bullet went through the wall into the bathroom, where it struck another roommate in the chest.

When police were called to the house, they had to investigate the situation. That’s when they found a 13-year-old girl hiding in a closet in the basement. She told the cops she had been sneaking out of her house without her father’s knowledge for about 4 months to come “visit” Paul Kunzler.

Now Kunzler’s probably going to be doing some serious time. Maybe in between all the prison rapings (cons don’t like kiddie molesters) he’ll have some time to think long and hard about adopting a stricter roommate screening process. After all, he never would have been outed as a pedophile if his jackass roommate didn’t try to kill a mouse with a pistol.

house mouse

Hero mouse who helped blow the whistle on a pedophile.

Or I guess he could have just set a few more mouse traps.

*Preemptive Apology: I apologize to the majority of Utah residents who aren’t pedophiles. I’m just referring to the crazy polygamists who live out in desert compounds and take teenage brides. It’s just a joke, and shouldn't be construed to imply that all Utahans are perverts. But let’s face it, they do kind of give your state an unfortunate reputation.





[Via KLS Utah]

I am a freelance writer specializing in sports, humor, politics, technology, and, from time to time, pop culture. Also, Esteban is not my real name, but I wish was.
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