Cheating Wife? Send Her Undies To The Crime Lab For DNA Testing
In the olden days, if you thought your significant other was cheating on you, the only way you could find out for sure was to secretly follow them around and catch him or her in the act.
Today, however, there are a variety of modern tools at the disposal of the suspicious spouse. But if you don’t have the time to set up a hidden camera in your home, or if you’re concerned that hacking your girlfriend’s smartphone to track her with GPS might not be strictly “legal” (it’s probably not), what are your options?
Answer: steal your spouses underwear, mail them to The Paternity Lab Center, and have them tested for DNA.
Yes, this is now a real thing. One of the nation’s biggest online paternity testing companies is now offering what you might call “infidelity testing.”
How does it work?
Chances are, if your spouse or significant other is cheating on you, there will be trace evidence (i.e., bodily fluids) on their dirty drawers. So you snatch them out of the hamper, pop them in an envelope, and send them off the lab. For only $200, they will then do high tech science stuff to the underwear to determine if semen or female DNA is present.
“But wait,” you say. “Simply determining whether semen or female DNA is present won’t prove they are cheating. It could be yours!”
Right on, savvy reader. That’s why, for an additional $215, The Paternity Lab Center will check the DNA on the underwear against a sample of your DNA. If it’s a match, then you’re just a paranoid wacko. But if it’s not, then you’re a paranoid wacko who’s being two-timed.
Great news, right?
The company says about 60% of the people who use this new service are men, and that 30% of the tests come back positive. Or is it negative? What I mean is, 30% of the time the test prove that, yes, there is cheatin’ going on.
Thanks, science!
[via Huffington Post]
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